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Before I had a relationship with the Lord, I can say that I have lived a comfortable life. I have the support of my parents and the company of friends. I thought that life was just about getting by; find a stable job after graduating from college, get married, have kids, get old and then eventually die. Just the typical life cycle. I never thought that there could be more. I also wanted everything planned including the details in my life and I left very little room for changes. I love surprises but only the pleasant ones. If it is something that will mess up my plans or alter it, I don’t leave much room.
Despite the careful planning, there came a point when everything just went wrong with my life. I tried to cover it by buying material things that would give me satisfaction. I went out as much as possible with my friends to places where we can just eat, sing and drink the night away, and forget about our problems and responsibilities. I tried everything that could distract me, anything that would numb my soul just so I will no longer have the time and energy to feel the growing void inside my heart. I was confused because I have food to eat, clothes to wear, a house to go home to, family and friends, yet I felt blank and drained. I have not realized yet that desperation can attack me even amidst provision and the company of well meaning people.
My job started to get affected because of my lack of direction. I stared having problems with my relationships and family. I also got my heart broken for the first time. Then eventually, I quit my job. At this point I felt I had nothing. I was so down, pessimistic and depressed. I lost so much weight because most of the time, I don’t have appetite. I have a lot of questions running in my mind that sometimes I have trouble sleeping. I was crying more often than not and sometimes, I even cry myself to sleep. Nothing was right in my life and if I would not wake up the next day, I felt that it would not make much of a difference.
Then the Lord Jesus Christ came to my rescue. A friend from our church invited me to join a prayer meeting. She had been inviting me for quite some time and I just kept turning her down. For some reason, this invitation was different and so for the first time since she invited me, I came. There I met a lady who introduced me to the Lord Jesus Christ. After that night, I can say that the rest is history. You see, I thought I had everything planned out. I was not prepared for this detour. I was not prepared to receive such a precious surprise in my life.
I grew up in Sunday school so I thought that I knew Jesus already. But this lady talked about Him in ways that I never heard before. It was like the Jesus I knew was a completely different person from the Jesus she was describing. She started sharing to me that the Lord Jesus Christ can accept me for who I am, and any given day at that. She said that all I have to do is accept Him…accept the gift of life that He so willingly offered. That I don’t have to prove myself…that I don’t have to do anything to merit His love because I will never be able to do that even in my best moments. That he died for me on the cross while I was still a sinner. That He paid the price for all my sin and shortcomings. And that He did all because He loves me that much and His love for me will never fail.
After that night, I excitedly went home, locked myself in my room and prayed to our Lord Jesus Christ. I cried my heart out, confessed all my sin and invited Him into my life. I asked Him to be my Lord and Savior. I asked Him that we start all over again and I accepted His forgiveness and His gift of life.
I felt like a new person. It was sudden. I began unlearning things I’ve acquired for the past 20 something years of my life. It was not easy especially when I am witnessing to my family and friends. It was especially tough when I began making decisions that are unpopular and strange to the rest of the world. But after experiencing the depth of His love, I realized that all other things in life pale in comparison to Him and to my glorious inheritance in Him. There is no turning back for me for the Lord is my Reality. And I continue to hold on to His promise found in Romans 8:28. “And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him.” I still don’t understand everything in life but the difference now is that I have the assurance that He is in control. I am still a work in progress, a product of His infinite grace. And I take joy in my daily journey with Him because His love strengthens me, His power comforts me and His light shines through the deepest corners of my soul. I am continuously in awe of His manifold beauty. All glory and praise I give to Him.
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